


Elam

by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Multi, Mutual Breakups That Suck Just As Much As One-Sided Breakups, Polyamory, Vomiting, i'm definitely not trying to paint helen as a villain so please don't read into it that way, it's a lot of story packed into one little box, no really this is kind of adorable please, uhhh spontaneous dog adoption is a thing in here???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 05:31:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14301834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualBuckyBarnes/pseuds/Cat
Summary: Helen breaks it off with Ryan. It's mutual. (If mutually bad is a thing.)(If mutually bad can turn into the best thing that's ever happened to him.)





	Elam

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a run river north song - but i recommend "can't come down" for this fic. it can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxhivJI8OUc).

Ryan wasn’t ever a crier. Maybe at one point he was, but he never really had memories of crying. Not since his dog died, anyway. But here he was, in a suit jacket, head in his hands, feeling so, so alone.

His apartment seemed so… big, and empty. He was so used to Helen there, and yet - and yet, here he was, without her. He supposed long distance would’ve been a bitch. He stared at the wall by his TV, letting the room fall into silence aside from his hitching breaths.

He wiped his eyes and slowly, so slowly, he put his suit back up in his closet. Like maybe if he was slow about it Helen would call him back and invite him to go out for custard and everything would be good again. God, Ryan didn’t know how he’d ever get over her.

It was such a deep, heart-wrenching ache, like he’d lost a whole part of him. Right above his stomach up through his Adam’s apple, that’s where Ryan hurt. It felt like someone had turned him inside out. He still couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Helen, he was just… he was just sad. He was going to miss her and this was sprung upon them so quickly and at least she’d kissed him goodnight one last time before he broke down in his car, alone.

Ryan was only in his undershirt and boxers when he collapsed into his bed, quietly sniffling into his pillow. He made efforts to stop crying, but every time he did, the tears just came back in force.

Like a self-fulfilling prophecy of suck, Ryan woke up the next day with a raging fever. His mouth felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, his eyes were red and puffy, his body was too warm and too cold at the same time. Ryan was having an amazing week.

He called in sick to work and collapsed on his couch, searching Netflix for something to watch. Settling on a lighthearted comedy to play in the background. And he sat there, completely unmoving, for the rest of the day. And maybe that was a mistake, because he only got worse.

Eventually, something in him broke and he picked up his phone. The first message that popped up was from Shane. 

_Shane: u good bud? we were scheduled to film 2day_

Ryan replied. _Me: Actually, i kinda need someone rn. Come over?_

And as if on cue, his phone pinged. _Shane: of course._

Ryan hadn’t ever known Shane to be good at comforting people - and then Shane appeared at his apartment with a bottle of vodka and a pint of ice cream. “Pick your poison.”

“Thank you so much,” Ryan sniffled, having begrudgingly put on a pair of ratty sweatpants. Shane looked down at him with some strange emotion in his eyes. “Breakups suck. I get it. One time I had a girlfriend break up with my and tell me she was leaving for her new boyfriend who raised opossums and had an extensive collection of teeth.”

“Dude - no offense, but what the fuck?” Ryan asked, laughing, “Every time I hear something else about your life I slowly become more and more convinced that you crawled out of a horror novella or something.”

“Sara’s still finding things out about me, and she’s seen my weird scars,” Shane grinned, “They’re on my thighs. You don’t get the story until you’ve downed half of this ice cream and have told me everything. And have accepted at least one hug.”

Ryan grinned weakly. “You’re a saint.”

They sat on the floor in front of the couch, pulling up a movie Ryan had never seen before at Shane’s request. Fourth Man Out was an odd choice, but Shane figured that Ryan would be… not reminded of Helen. And, to his credit, Ryan wasn’t. But he did spend the whole time wondering if that meant something. Ryan had taken the time to figure himself out (if you could call sitting down one evening in college and thinking about it for three hours while high “figuring it out”), but had Shane? Was Shane bi?

That was the question, wasn’t it? Ryan almost felt bad for wondering, because he’d just lost Helen. He figured he should wait awhile before pursuing someone else. If he did wind up pining after Shane, he didn’t want Shane to be a rebound. Shane didn’t deserve that.

Ryan leaned his head into Shane’s shoulder and took a swig of vodka. It was cheap and burned its way down Ryan’s throat and, vaguely, Ryan knew this wasn’t how you got rid of fevers, but he also knew that Shane was healing the emotional part of him. Shane was letting him grieve.

Ryan was grateful.

It was a week before Ryan cracked again. He was so, so lonely. It wasn’t sharp any more, like it was the first night after Shane left again, but there was something about his quiet apartment that drove him bonkers.

Maybe he should get a dog.

And so Ryan did, a bouncing little weiner dog puppy named Dori, who wriggled in his arms when she got home. Ryan let her run around his apartment, heart still aching for some odd reason. It was nice to have something else in the house to love. But it wasn’t the same - and maybe that’s what Ryan was grieving for. He was beginning to realize that maybe he wasn’t as in love with Helen as he was in love with being in love. He adored being able to dote after Helen and of course some part of him was in love with Helen but a bigger part missed even more having someone to buy flowers for and come home to. He missed having someone to kiss.

He missed Helen, but there was a bigger, much bigger, part of him that missed so badly having a partner. He was all kinds of twisted up about it, too - did he never really love Helen? Had he been considering proposing to someone he didn’t love?

No, Ryan considered, frowning at Dori. He’d loved Helen. He’d loved her with all his heart - he was just a sap, too. There was some part of him that missed someone to love because he missed her, and there was some part of him that missed someone to love because he needed someone to love like the sun needs the sky.

Ryan got drunk. He got way too drunk. He opened a wine bottle and drank the whole thing, and then he finished off the vodka Shane had left with him. By the time his vision was blurred, he recognized a long-limbed figure in front of him. “Hey - hey big - guy.”

“Ryan - dude, are you okay?” Shane asked, Sara in tow. Ryan swayed, smiling at Shane.

“You have really pretty eyes,” Ryan said, kissing him. Shane blinked back, pulling away almost as soon as he could process it.

Ryan completely missed Shane's, "You're drunk."

Ryan was suddenly filled with such a panic that he promptly ran into the kitchen and heaved into the sink. There wasn’t much to get rid of. Sara, in a move Ryan would question forever (hadn't he just kissed her boyfriend?) rushed to his side and rubbed his back. Ryan let out a sob - he hated puking, and he’d ruined everything. That was the only thought he could process. He’d ruined everything.

“Let’s get some water in you,” Shane prompted, handing Ryan a glass. Ryan downed it all in one fell swoop.

“This isn’t booze.”

“Yeah, it’s not,” Shane said, eyes narrowed at Ryan, “Because we’re gonna have a talk.”

Ryan pressed his back to the sink like he was trying to shrink down the drain too. “Is - are you mad at me? I’m sorry for kissing you, I swear, being drunk’s not an excuse but -”

“It’s okay!” Shane shushed, rubbing Ryan’s arm, “Just have a seat next to Sara.”

Ryan sat uncomfortably at his table, hands gripping the seat.

“Relax, Ry,” Sara looked him in the eye as she said it, “We’re not mad. I understand completely - in fact, I think that means I picked the right man that his friends are trying to kiss him.”

Ryan smiled, still feeling a bit queasy. “Shane?” Maybe he’d have the words Ryan was dreading. Ryan wouldn’t last very long without Shane and Sara.

“I’m not mad either,” Shane shook his head, “I am, however, curious as to what you consider your sexuality to be?”

“Bi.”

“Really? Us too,” Shane grinned, “Me and Sara both actually lean to the same gender, so us being together was a statistical improbability in it of itself.”

Shane and Sara laughed, and Ryan weakly chuckled along. “And I was wondering - what are the chances you were interested in polyamory?”

Ryan blinked. He knew exactly what that meant, and he didn’t know how to reply. Then, honest words found their way to his lips. “I don’t think I’m ready to think about relationships yet. I just really need people to be there for me right now.”

“I understand,” Shane murmured softly, “Whenever you’re ready, though. We’ll be waiting.”

Sara grabbed Ryan’s hands and held them in hers, and Ryan blushed furiously. “And I thought being attracted to one guy was a statistical improbability.”

And that’s what made Ryan laugh, a huge bellow and a wheeze and damn, Ryan knew how much he loved his idiots.

Maybe he’d take them up on that offer.

And maybe, ten years down the road, he’d retell the story of how they got together when he got down on one knee for Shane and Sara equally, because oh, how he loved them. How he loved Shane’s jokes and Sara’s kindness and Shane’s hugs and Sara’s kisses.

And how he loved Shane’s yes. And how he loved Sara’s nod. And how he loved slipping the rings over their fingers.

Oh, how he loved them.

**Author's Note:**

> thank y'all so much for reading!!! this was a quick little fic and comments are so so appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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